Welcome to Week 8 of Dancing with the Stars. Tonight, the seven remaining couples will have to peddle their sparkly spray-tanned wares in front of Cher. Yes, that Cher and that Cher and that Cher too. It’s all the same Cher because she embodies multitudes in her heavily sequined, sparkled, spangled and occasionally feathered self. Not only did DWTS fans swap out Cher for crabby old judge Len Goodman, but the couples all danced to Cher songs. And the living legend performed twice — and changed outfits three times. As she should.
Here’s what happened on Dancing with the Stars:
Best Opening Ever: To get the festivities started, Cher descended from the ceiling on a Cher-sized platform to sing her hit “Believe” while a fleet of dancers twirled around the 67-year old singer and actress (attired in high heels and a sequined mini dress).
Best Argument for a New Voting Scale: High School Musical star Corbin Bleu was tasked with dancing an Argentine tango to “Burlesque” and wanted to make sure he put on a good show for Cher, as anyone should. He did an excellent job: Carrie-Ann Inaba doled out a 9 for the duo, as did Bruno Tonioli. When host Tom Bergeron asked Cher for her score, Cher said, “Cher.” Clearly this should be the new scale for judging with a “Cher,” of course, the equivalent of a ten.
Best Threat of Physical Violence: Leah Remini was thrilled to turn the Viennese waltz into an interpretative dance of Sonny meeting Cher — set to the hit “I Got You Babe.” Judge Bruno had to gesticulate his feelings about the routine wildly, forcing Tom to ask Cher, “If he’s ever invading your personal space, let us know, ” to which Cher replied, “I’ll just knee him.” Leah earned 25/30.
Best Mashup: Brant Daugherty proved he still works on Pretty Little Liars, despite not having much of a part since 2012, by taking a DWTS camera operator and his partner Peta Murgatroyd to the set to high-five the titular Liars. Back in DWTS-landia, Brant and Peta recreated Madonna‘s “Material Girl” video to Cher’s “It’s In His Kiss.” Their score: 27/30
Worst Bleeping: According to Val Chmerkovskiy, Elizabeth Berkley was “literally and figuratively throwing her body into the [jazz] dance.” Learning the steps to go along with Cher’s “Bang Bang” drove Elizabeth to tears, but when judging the routine Cher admitted that the show made her cry too. Then, Cher got bleeped! It was a very long bleep, too, so she could have said any number of things. We will never know.
Best Acrobatics: If you’ve ever wanted to see comedian Bill Engvall in white pants and a white satin shirt, tonight was your night. Bill and his partner Emma Slater discoed to Cher’s “Strong Enough,” much to everyone’s amusement and horror. Cher was nonplussed by the dance and was amazed that Bill “could get her up in all of those positions,” a sentiment she tweeted to her 1.8 million followers. They earned a 24/30
Favorite Fact: Pro Cheryl Burke‘s mom named her after Cher.
Best Compliment: After his tango, Cher told Jack Osbourne: “You looked like a pimp! A tango dancing pimp!” Score: 27/30
Best Bodice Ripping: For her dance to “If I Could Turn Back Time,” Glee star Amber Riley kicked off her routine by dancing through a sea of uniform-clad navy men, alighting on Derek Hough and ripping his shirt off. During judgment Derek demurely covered his man nipples.
Strangest Compliment: Carrie-Ann told Amber, “No one undulates like you!” Only on Dancing with the Stars is undulating a good thing. Score: 28/30.
Pants Off Dance Off: As the contestants dwindle, producers must find new ways to fill time. This week, it’s a dance-off, but not the dance-off they had last week. Instead they had one that was new and entirely different with Cher judging. The dancers paired off against other dancers — and the winner got some extra points. Corbin chose to cha cha against Elizabeth. Advantage: Corbin, by unanimous decision. Brant faced off against Leah in a rumba. Advantage: Leah, in a split decision. Finally, Jack discoed against Bill. Advantage: Jack, by unanimous decision.
Best Prank: After losing their dance-off round, Tom asked Bill and Emma to read the teleprompter on his behalf. That’s when they read that, despite having the show’s most consistently low scores (but best attitude!), they were safe for another week.
Who Was In Jeopardy: In typical DWTS overly dramatic style, Tom slowly announced that Elizabeth and Val, Corbin and Karina and Leah and Tony are safe, which meant that Jack or Brant were in jeopardy of leaving the show and heading back to their day jobs.
Who Went Home: Brant. If you read that and involuntarily asked, “Who?” That’s why Brant is going home. Don’t feel too bad for him, though, because Brant “learned a lot” about himself during his time on DWTS.