Does Dancing with the Stars seem like it’s standing a little bit taller this week? Do its sequins seem a smidge sparklier? That’s because it has a little bit more Emmy winner in it. Last night, show pro Derek Hough took home the trophy for Outstanding Choreography in a Reality Show for his work last season. That’s right, Derek Hough has won more Emmys than The Wire. As that little fact sinks in, drown your sorrows in a shot of Tequila and a bag of tortilla chips, because it’s Latin Night.
Our 12 stars will dance the samba, rumba, paso doble or jive on tonight’s second performance show. But that’s not all, because in the brave new world of DWTS, tonight is also the results show. That means one pair will be forced to wear electric-yellow Spandex while shaking it on national television before being eliminated based on last week’s voting results. It’s a cruel world.
After last week, Glee star Amber Riley and Emmy Winner® Derek Hough were at the top of the leaderboard with a 27, while fan favorite Bill Nye the Science Guy had a measly 14.
Here’s what happened on Dancing with the Stars:
Best Hashtag: Elizabeth Berkley Lauren and her partner Val Chmerkovskiy started the show with a samba that would have made Jessie Spano blush. It was polished, if less interesting than their contemporary routine last week, but since both required Val to be nearly shirtless there will be no complaints. It was absolutely fantastic, according to judge Len Goodman, who couldn’t help but pointing out a few flaws—proving once again that Len must be a delight to date. They earned 25/30.
Weirdest Costume: Mark Ballas opted to choreograph a routine to Lady Gaga’s “Applause” for his paso dobles routine with pop singer Christina Milian. Carrie Ann Inaba dubbed it “insane” and she wasn’t talking about the weird Victor/Victoria-meets-Ursula-the-Sea-Witch outfit that Christina was wearing. They scored 25/30
Most Surprising Use of “Entertaining”: Comedian Bill Engvall‘s good-natured jive to “Crocodile Rock” was judged by Carrie as evening’s “most entertaining” routine. For once, that wasn’t a euphemism for “terrible dancing” — and Bill earned a respectable 21.
Best Way To Anger The Gods: Cheryl Burke choreographed a samba to “Mad World,” and in order to prepare, Jack Osbourne cursed his lot in life, shook his fist at the heavens and brought his mom Sharon in for a pep talk that seemed to consist solely of telling him to get that look off his face. Carrie Ann dubbed his dance Game of Thrones-y and the judges gave him a row of 8s.
Worst Set Up: Former NFL-er Keyshawn Johnson noted that traveling back and forth from Connecticut (the location of the ESPN offices) to L.A. was challenging, so when he and Sharna Burgess delivered a simpering samba that would have made James Brown cry in to his brand new bag, it was all a bad omen. Keyshawn earned a meager 16, but may have earned some audience sympathy votes by talking about getting razzed by his football friends.
Biggest Cognitive Dissonance: Watching Rhoda Morgenstern sit next to Snooki. Brain cannot compute.
It’s A Ballroom Not A Bar: Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi doesn’t want her fiancé Gianni to get the wrong idea, so her rehearsal footage was filled with nothing but protestations and eye rolls over required rumba hand placement. It showed in her dance, too, which was well-rehearsed, but stilted and earned a reprimand from the Carrie Ann Lift Police. She earned a 20/30, a score Nicole reciprocated with a Bronx cheer.
Save Leah!: Leah Remini opened up about her recent departure from Scientology. She went so far as to say on camera that “the Church is waiting for her to fail” Luckily, Tony Dovolani is her to make sure she doesn’t. The result was a fiery samba that got Bruno Tonioli crawling across the judges’ table and Carrie Ann whipping her hair around. She earned 24/30 and a standing ovation.
Bill Nye, Fan Favorite: While Len hated Bill Nye‘s dance routine last week, his fans loved it, piling up votes on Facebook, flooding the internet with GIFs and wracking up 3 million views on a YouTube video of him dancing around. This week, he gives them more fodder with a Beethoven-inspired paso dobles. (That’s Beethoven the composer, not the dog.)
Best Mea Culpa: Len admitted that he may have under-marked Bill last week and listed things that he liked about Bill, including his existence and his presence on the show. Bill earned a slightly improved 17/30.
Best Targeted Demographics: Corbin Bleu knows his audience: The nexus of High School Musical and tween music fans. Thus, his jive was set to One Direction’s “Kiss” and incorporated a bunch of HSM dance elements. It may have been a gimme, but it was so fun to watch that the dance got to third base with Len. 26/30.
The Eternal MVP: While Valerie Harper‘s cancer isn’t ailing her, her knee is bothering her and she took a tumble during rehearsal for her paso dobles. Her determination brought partner Tristan MacManus to tears — and got the judges to sugar-coat their criticisms. Valerie seemed to know it and didn’t mind. She earned a reasonable 19/30
Sneakiest Ploy: Peta Murgatroyd is wily, which is why she recommended that Pretty Little Liars star Brant Daugherty stare Carrie Ann in the eyes as she undresses him during their rumba. The move seemingly made Len jealous and earned Brant a 23/30.
Under Pressure: After last week’s blockbuster performance, the pressure was on Glee star Amber Riley who responded by whining under the pressure of doing a jive as a “larger woman.” She pulled it off and Len called her a “big bundle of joy.” Which may not have helped her self-esteem but did earn her high scores. 24/30.
Best Bergeronism: To Derek: “If they ever give awards for best pantomime of a boob concussion, you should win!”
So Who Goes Home? Hosts Brooke Burke Charvat and Tom Bergeron gave the roll call of everyone who was safe until only comic Bill Engvall, actress Elizabeth Berkley and NFL player Keyshawn Johnson were left. They quickly let Elizabeth off the hook, which she greeted with a bleep-worthy expletive. Finally, Keyshawn was booted.