Welcome back to season thirteen of Dancing with the Stars. Last we met, L.A. Laker Ron Artest, a.k.a. Metta World Peace, was on his way out. That’s right, America—we voted down World Peace. Explain that to your grandchildren.
Three contestants rose to the top of the competition last week: 90s pop star Chynna Phillips, veteran-turned-actor J.R. Martinez and former talk show host Ricki Lake. Let’s see how they fared in Week Two.
Most noticeable wardrobe malfunction: Dancing an energetic quickstep, former prosecutor and HLN host Nancy Grace had a full on nip slip following a particularly expressive finale. The cameras cut to a static shot of the stunned audience long enough for Nancy to remedy the situation, but not before East Coast viewers got an eyeful. Though the judges didn’t seem to mind the peek, giving her high marks for her performance, Bruno Tonioli couldn’t help but remark that her performance was a bit “top-heavy” at times. Host Tom Bergeron noted that partial nudity would be fine on the European version of the show, which begs the question, how does one get a copy of Dancing with the Stars: Europe?
Most noticeable wardrobe dysfunction: The sport attire worn by U.S. soccer star Hope Solo and partner Maks Chmerkovskiy. Look, the ladies aren’t tuning in to see Maks in knee-high tube socks wearing a soccer shirt firmly tucked into belted high-waisted shorts. And Hope Solo’s high-heeled soccer shoes are a fashion don’t, which is a rarity on a show where dressing like a cracked-out ice skater is completely acceptable.
Most cringeworthy moment: Brooke Burke asking Ricki Lake how her weight loss is going. This is not The Biggest Loser. But for those interested in pretending that they’re watching an extended Weight Watchers infomercial, Ricki lost 12 inches in 3 weeks
Best back-handed compliment: When judge Len Goodman declared to Carson Kressley, “The worst dancers on this show are the most fun to watch!” Carson just nodded glumly and adjusted his green glitter glasses.
Best audience moment: When judge Carrie Ann Inaba declared Rob Kardashian a better dancer than his sister, Kim. Cut to an audience shot of mother and stepfather Kris and Bruce Jenner wooting and fist pumping. Thanksgiving might be a bit awkward this year.
Best use of a prop: J.R. Martinez and Karina Smirnoff printed up fake newspapers for their energetic and highly-entertaining jive number. The papers were the perfect accessories for the duo, who were dressed like extras from a slightly lascivious rendition of Newsies.
Best behind-the-scenes moment: In a fit of frustration at her inability to instantly master the jive, Chynna Phillips declared, “Sorry Jesus, I have to curse!” Jesus must have minded a little, because Chynna and her partner Tony flailed, falling from their frontrunner position and delivering a modest performance that placed them in the middle of the pack.
Best song choice of the night: Chaz Bono and Lacey Schwimmer and the Mary Tyler Moore theme song. During the training videos, Chaz noticeably struggled through severe knee pain, his joints creaking so severely that Lacey squealed in disgust. Chaz swore to power through the pain, so it was touching to hear the song’s heartwarming chorus, “You’re going to make it after all.” The only way Chaz will make it through to the next round, though, is if his devoted voters come out in force. His lackluster performance earned the evening’s lowest score.
Best overall dance: Former talk show host Ricki Lake wowed the judges with her jive and earned the evening’s highest score.
Star most likely to be ousted: Assuming that Chaz Bono can rouse enough supporters to keep him safe for another week, the next victim is possibly David Arquette. His dance was forgettable and his personality is odd enough to be off-putting.
Come back tomorrow to find out which star is going home.