Dancing with the Stars Watch: Classical Week Results

Yesterday on Dancing with the Stars, the titular stars put the ass in class and stuffed it inside classical week. Maria Menounos and Derek Hough top the leaderboard after their fang-tastic vampire-themed performance proving that even dance is better with a Twilight motif. Meanwhile Melissa Gilbert and Maks Chmerkovskiy are in last place, but since this reality show is a popularity contest masquerading as a talent competition, anyone is up for elimination.

Let’s see who got sent home last night:

The Result: After a few excellent performances and several lousy ones, Jaleel White was sent packing without even once doing The Urkel.

Smallest Surprise: Latin heartthrob William Levy, classical singer Katherine Jenkins and Green Bay Packer Donald Driver were all deemed safe within minutes of the start of the show. So much for drama!

Biggest Tear Jerker of the Night: In last night’s spotlight dance we met Richard “Steelo” Vazquez, one of the top street dancers in the world, who suffered a ruptured brain aneurysm and lost his ability to talk and more importantly, for this show anyway, dance. Now after six months in the hospital and many more of rehabilitation, he was ready to dance again and his first public outing was on Dancing with the Stars. During his heart-wrenching performance, even Len was up and dancing to the Groovaloos beats. The dance was so moving, that it was hard to tell through the tears whether Steelo was the guy spinning on his head.

(MORE: Dancing with the Stars Watch: Putting the Classy in Classical)

Lamest Reunion: He’s baaaaaaaack. Singer and former contestant Gavin DeGraw (and his hat) returned to the ballroom. Luckily he wasn’t there to dance, but to sing his new single “Sweeter,” as his former partner Karina Smirnoff did her best interpretative dance wearing what looked like Prince’s entire ration of purple charmeuse. Guys, we didn’t even have time to miss you.

Worst Prom Date: As they say, anything can happen on live television, so it shouldn’t be a complete surprise that when we returned from a commercial break Mark Ballas had accepted a prom date from an audience member. Hope her father never sees last night’s forbidden dance or the footage of Mark grabbing Katherine’s bum like he owned it.

Dance Off: To kill time in the show, three of the Dancing with the Stars pros mentored three couples who then danced for two minutes and awaited judgment. While ostensibly we were already watching a ballroom battle, the producers decided to add a layer of meta-ness to the evening’s program by putting a dance battle within a ballroom battle. It’s basically a turducken, but with more jazz hands.

Best Blooper: The dance battle was apparently a squeaker, because the judges couldn’t pick a winner. As they conferred and debated, Tom yelled at them to hurry it up, and then Len dropped some language that got him bleeped faster than a cha cha in a windstorm. As Cheryl Burke’s team cheered their win, the audience went wild, Len blushed, and for once I wished I was in the ballroom to hear what Len said.

(MORE: Top 10 Terrible Dancing with the Stars Contestants)

Fakest Surprise: Maria Menounos and Derek Hough were perched safely atop the leaderboard with the highest score and the season’s first perfect 30, so there was no doubt that they were safe. Yet when Tom announced that they were, in fact, safe, they gasped, clutched their pearls, and hugged. Yeah yeah, it’s not the Oscars.

Best Line of the Night: After finding out he was in the bottom two, but otherwise pursuant to nothing, Jaleel announced, “Len is the old guy outside the grocery store who won’t give a kid any money for candy.” While Len was good-naturedly laughing, Tom wisely pointed out to Jaleel that Len was about to judge him in the competition. Oops!

Déjà Dance Duel: Roshon and Jaleel are once again dancing for their lives. Luckily these two are old hands at the dreaded dueling. In his rumba, Jaleel tried to prove that he and Kym don’t hate each other, while Roshon tried to show the judges that after hours of manliness lessons he’s grown as a dancer. However, since Jaleel was rude to Len (see above) it’s Roshon who is saved, even though it is clear that America, or at least the slice of the pie that watches this show, doesn’t want to hang out in the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse any more. At least now Jaleel can spend all his free time talking to his therapist about his deep-seated hatred of Stefan Urquelle.

Do you agree with the judges decision to save Roshon? Or should they have sent Roshon home to play Xbox?