Little Devil Sitting on My Shoulder: He’s watching American Idol.
Little Angel Sitting on My Other Shoulder: How can you even say that? He’s watching the Democratic debate on MSNBC.
Devil: [Snorts derisively.]
Angel: Don’t mock me! American Idol is just two hours of bloated audition footage milking cheap laughs out of bad singers, 95% of whom are probably singing badly on purpose! These next few weeks could decide this country’s future! That earnest little guy from Ohio will be there!
Devil: American Idol’s the only election in this country that really matters. It’s about dreams and cruel, honest judgment, unlike that phony stage-managed tea party you’ll be watching. And the only bigoted code words will be when Simon and Ryan make gay jokes about each other.
Angel: Cynic!
Devil: Moron!
Tiny Peaceable Gnome on My Shirt Collar: Everyone, calm down! You know James has a dual-tuner TiVo. He can watch both your shows!
Angel and Devil: Mind your own business, wussy! Let us have our fight! These are the end times! This battle for the heart and mind of this TV critic must be won decisively!
[They set upon Peaceable Gnome, bludgeoning him with their pitchfork and harp until he lies crumpled and lifeless.]
Devil: You know, Ange, it’s times like these when our mutual enemies remind us just how much we have in common.
Angel [trembling and crossing shoulder]: I… I love you.
[They embrace and grope each other passionately. Fade to black.]