‘Dancing with the Stars’ Week 7: The Monster Mash

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ADAM TAYLOR / ABC

It’s a rare occasion for Halloween to coincide with a night of Dancing with the Stars, so the producers did their best to pump up the kreepy kitsch.

To wit, last night’s stage was covered in jack o’lanterns and cobwebs, host Tom Bergeron brought out his best Halloween puns (“Dead from Los Angeles!”), and Brooke Burke-Charvat was done up like Marie Osmond-meets-Kiss-of-the-Spider-Woman. Adding to the ambiance was an over-zealous effects staffer, who rained CGI tarantulas, lightning and ghosts on our participants. To further mark the night, the six remaining stars were dressed more ghoulishly than usual. Except for Nancy Grace, whose wig managed to look less house of horrors and more whorehouse of horrors.

In addition to individual performances, last night’s agenda included a team dance where the stars and their partners were divided into Team Tango and Team Paso and forced to compete against each other Thunderdome-style.

Let’s see how the teams fared this week:

Best David Copperfield impression: David Arquette and partner Kym Johnson have had a hard time making magic on the dance floor, so they brought in a professional prestidigitator to teach them a few tricks. Arquette’s channeled his inner Criss Angel to pull off a solid score of 24, but is he merely an Illusionist or did he merit Prestige?

Best costume: Veteran-turned-actor J.R. Martinez and Karina Smirnoff were made to dance the tango to the theme song from Ghostbusters (do the producers just pull these out of a hat?). While the judges weren’t overly impressed with the duo’s fancy footwork, Karina’s costume — a nearly-nude bodysuit with a glitter skeleton that covered her important bits — clearly won the night. Not frightening at all, right gents?

Most noticeable absence: While Rob Kardashian danced the tango, the camera turned to his booster section revealing sister Kourtney Kardashian and boyfriend Scott Disick, but no Kim. Rob’s tenure on Dancing with the Stars is just one of the many, many things that has lasted longer than her marriage.

Biggest diss: Pro Maksim Chmerkovskiy injured his toe, so he brought in a replacement (Teddy from the DWTS troupe) to rehearse with soccer star Hope Solo. After a few rounds, Hope announced that she learned quicker and had more fun with Teddy. Here’s a tip, Hope: Don’t get Maks mad. Don’t you remember what happened last week? You were standing right next to him!

Least whiny competitor: Ricki Lake managed to give herself a rare nerve injury that normally requires weeks of rest. But refusing to even consider dropping out of the competition, she powered through and managed to pull off a practically perfect paso dobles with partner Derek Hough.

Worst decision: David Arquette offered frontrunner and team captain J.R. Martinez tips on the tango before their team dance. As one would expect when the high scorer takes advice from a low scorer, Team Tango bombed. The judges didn’t like anyone’s performances and Len Goodman went so far as to declare the performance a “disaster.”

Understatement of the evening: Rob Kardashian sarcastically said that dancing the paso dobles next to Derek Hough and Maksim Chmerkovskiy was good for his self-esteem. But Rob must have channeled his frustration, because their squad trounced Team Tango and team captain Ricki Lake scored another notch on her ever-shrinking belt.

Most likely to go home: Nancy Grace has proven to be a far more resilient competitor than anyone could have expected. However, her dance to “The Devil Went Down to Georgia” was one of Halloween night’s scarier sights. Also, she was picked last for the team dances, which has got to sting.

Be sure to be back here tomorrow when OMG Justin Bieber (!!!) is on the show along with Boyz II Men. You can already hear the teens squee-ing.