Tuned In

Danny DeVito Ravages The View, Lincoln Bedroom

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It’s been several months since Rosie O’Donnell took over The View and the vanishing form of Star Jones headed for the hills, and it appears we can stop worrying. Despite the danger posed by getting a competent, funny, well-loved talk-show host to join the panel, The View continues to be the out-of-control celebrity train-wreck gala that we’ve come to known and love it as.

Earlier this month, we had Rosie feuding with Kelly Ripa as to whether Ripa was homophobic because Ripa complained about Clay Aiken (not actually on record about his sexuality, mind you, but that didn’t stop Rosie) putting his hand over her mouth. And today, Danny DeVito appeared on the show to hawk his new movie, Deck the Halls, and, well, you’ve really gotta see the video.

For those of you with a slow modem connection: DeVito, slurring his speech and boasting of just having gotten in from partying with George Clooney, went on a profanity-heavy five-minute-plus ramble that included detours to obscenely bash the Bush administration, to reminisce about sleeping in the Lincoln Bedroom with his wife Rhea Perlman (yes, I’m sorry, he did mean sleeping with in that sense) and to get lost in the middle of describing the plot of his own movie.

O’Donnell finally stepped in to save him, physically hugging him and having him read himself into commercial off the cue cards, while–and entertainment journalists now have a macro of this phrase programmed into our computers to use every time we write about The View–Barbara Walters appeared visibly stricken.

According to ABC News, a publicist for DeVito was unaware whether he was drunk during the appearance, although his speech was noticably impaired and he remarked, "I knew it was the last seven limoncellos that was going to get me." So we are not, repeat not, saying that DeVito was in his cups–we are uncertain how lasting the effects of limoncello are, but plan to investigate immediately. But on the slight, slight, hypothetical chance that he was, it does raise an interesting question. When Mel Gibson was pulled over for DUI and went on an anti-Semitic rant, he blamed it on his drinking. So how does today’s celebrity apologize for actually being drunk? Do you blame it on anti-Semitism?