So last night on So You Think You Can Dance, an aspiring contestant reacted to some good news by rolling on the floor in her short skirt, exposing her bare crotch to primetime America and inviting the wrath of the FCC. Unless she didn’t. After the video and stills were posted online, SYTYCD producer Nigel Lythgoe made the seeming statement of admission to TMZ, “The show was always designed to expose talent, but not in this way.” But then Fox and Lythgoe released statements saying that the dancer was “wearing flesh-toned dance gear.”

This incited a hubbub and further dissection of the video online (here’s your new Zapruder film courtesy of Gawker), and—oh, dear God, I am a grown man with a college degree and I am writing about this for a living. OK, let me issue my own statements on the subject for now: