Awards TIME: The Golden Globe’s Real Winners and Losers

And the best Humblebrag goes to...

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While a slew of Golden Globes were just bestowed upon the darlings of the Hollywood Foreign Press for their film and television work throughout the year, we at TIME wanted to acknowledge the best performances of the broadcast itself. Like best humblebrag or man-samurai bun — a shockingly stiff competition. So behold: the real winners and losers of the Golden Globes.

Best Self-Serving Interview Question: Matt Lauer for asking Michael J. Fox if he liked having him and Savannah Guthrie cameo in the premiere of his new show.

Best Speech: “Yeah bitch, thank you.” — Aaron Paul for Breaking Bad

Best Humblebrag: While accepting her award for best actress, Amy Adams said that when she first moved to LA she thought, “I don’t know, maybe I’ll get a commercial or something.” Mmk.

Best Aspirational Job Title: “Cursing consultant on the Wolf of Wall Street, Melissa McCarthy.”

Best Inflated Job Title: “Actor / Producer Sean Combs.” LOL.

Biggest Speech Bomber: Sean “actor/producer” Combs.

Best Dissed In Absentia: “Dying is easy. Comedy is hard. I believe it was Shia LaBeouf who said that. So young, but so wise.” — Jim Carrey

Most Appropriate Absence: Scarlett Johansson

Best Sincere Speech That Sounded Ironic: Andy Samberg

Best Inappropriate Presenter Introduction That Made It Past the Censors: “And now, like a supermodel’s vagina, let’s all give a warm welcome to Leonardo DiCaprio.” — Tina Fey

Most Likely to Get Fired: The censor who missed Fey’s reference to a supermodel’s vagina. Second most likely: The tech who scrambled the audio on the Jimmy Fallon Tonight Show plug.

Best Kiss: Amy Poehler and Bono:


Most Likely to Lose the Battle with Her Dress: Paula Patton

Paula Patton

Jeff Vespa / WireImage / Getty 

Best Dress that Resembles a Space Ship: Sandra Bullock

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Jason Merritt / Getty Images

Best Almost Nip Slip: Robin Wright.

Best Samurai Bun: A tie between Jared Leto…

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Jason Merritt / Getty Images

and this guy:

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Backstage Portraits

Dimitrios Kambouris / Getty Images

(Alex Ebert)

Most Delusional Speech: “This is waaay better than saving a human life.” — Brooklyn Nine-Nine co-creator Dan Goor on winning best TV comedy. (He ditched med school to work in show biz.)

Best Matthew McConaughey Moment: “All right, all right, all right. Unexpected, but graciously accepted!” — On winning Best Actor, Drama for Dallas Buyer’s Club
Best Twitter Reaction: Mia Farrow during Woody Allen’s tribute

Best Bare Feet: “I just want to let you know that this red is my blood,” Emma Thompson said while holding up her Louboutins.

Best Brooch, Male: Usher

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Jason Merritt / Getty Images
2 comments
denniscartaspalla
denniscartaspalla

I look forward when further evolution takes place and the quote in question in the Huffington Post article about Tina Fey´s jab (joking) to Amy Poehler becomes: "There´s a special place in Hell for women who impose their will, behavior and prejudices on other women without regard to that woman´s independence, individuality and right to make decisions for herself, particularly given that women in the past have been the object of oppression by other factors."  So sad when the oppressed become their own oppressors and cannot see the forest from the trees.  In short, they know not what they do.