Questions We Asked Ourselves While Watching Macaulay Culkin Eat a Slice of Pizza

Things got a little weird.

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Normally if you hear about Macaulay Culkin this time of year, it’s because people are re-watching his classic Christmas films Home Alone and Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (never let anyone convince you there was a third one—never happened).

Unfortunately, Mac appears determined to tarnish your memories because he recorded a four-minute-27-second video of himself eating a slice of pizza — a task he does with the enthusiasm of someone forced to delivery a eulogy at the funeral of a distant relative.

Pretty terrifying, right? Here are 46 questions we had while watching the video:

*****

Wait, that’s what Macaulay Culkin looks like now?

Is he Charlie Hunnam’s stunt double on Sons of Anarchy?

Where did they find him?

Why does he have so much wrist clutter? Did he put on extra because he knew he’d be shooting this video?

Why is this video available in no resolution better than 480p? (Note: This is probably a good thing.)

Why is the pizza in a bag like that? That’s not how you bag a pizza. It’s always a side bag. This bag is huge.

Oregano?

Where is he right now?

Is the pizza hot? It looks good.

Why isn’t the oregano coming out?

Who is Mac talking to when he says, “It’s not coming out?”

Why does he give up so quickly?

Why didn’t they check to make sure the oregano worked before filming?

Is he going to fold the pizza? (Nope.)

Why does he look like he really doesn’t want to be wherever he is, or eating the slice?

Has he ever eaten a slice of pizza before?

Why does he look so sad?

Does he know he’s being filmed?

Do the pizza oils get trapped in his beard?

Why does he keep looking up?

Does he know it makes things even creepier when he breaks the fourth wall?

Oh wait what in the name of all things holy is he doing now?

Are you even allowed to rip the crust off the pizza? And with such disdain?

And if you are, shouldn’t you take more than three bites before deciding you’re finished?

Wait, why did he switch from non-folding to folding? That’s definitely not allowed.

Who taught him to eat pizza like this?

He’s done already? There’s at least a third of that slice left.

Did he get full? Did he decide he doesn’t like pizza anymore? Was he so disgusted by his own tactics that he couldn’t bear the thought of another bite?

Why was he so intent on balling the pizza up with the plate and napkins before putting it all in the original bag, and balling that bag up into as small a ball as he could?

Wait, how is there still another minute left in this video?

Is there a reveal coming?

Maybe this was all just a big joke and Kevin McCallister hasn’t really lost his mind and he’ll yell, “Nice night for a neck injury!” at the camera, right? That could happen.

Or not?

Is he just going to sit there looking around this empty room occasionally breaking the fourth wall for the next 50 seconds?

Oh wow, he is, isn’t he?

Who let this happen?

Who thought this was a good idea?

Why did he say, “Um, my name is Macaulay Culkin and I just finished pizza” if only one of those three things is true?

Is Pizza, New York a place? Wouldn’t it just have been easier to say “New York City?”

Is it possible to un-see this?

What kind of nightmares will I have tonight?

How many times will I need to watch Home Alone 2 to get this video out of my memory forever?

*****

The video can be somewhat explained by the fact that Culkin is part of his own pizza-themed Velvet Underground cover band, appropriately called “Pizza Underground,” but still. Actually now we have even more questions, but let’s just go get a slice of pizza instead.

Update: Culkin’s video was apparently based on this 1981 clip of Andy Warhol eating a Whopper from Burger King. Whether that raises more questions or fewer is up to you.

43 comments
rhanscom
rhanscom

I once saw him walking downtown Seattle with a body guard and girlfriend. At least it looked like a body guard and his girlfriend. Somehow, I knew it was him.

AndrewTaylor
AndrewTaylor

I thought it was rather amusing.  Why did you find it so troublesome?  I think it is called Performance Art.  Plus, look at the links in the comments.  Why is this shocking to anyone?  I know of a performance artist who stuck an eggplant in her privates, so what's wrong with MC eating a slice of pizza?  I rather enjoyed this and I'm fifty-six years old.  Sheesh.

alBundy
alBundy

What is really hip was in Calgary, they had a contest for a "Purple" Nenshi themed pizza..... now That's hip


obummer
obummer

I was in a line going up to the observation level on the Empire State Building in 1969.  Andy Warhol was in the other line with his buddies and their reel to reel recorder.  They waited for about an hour just as I did (I had no recorder), I had tickets and they did not.  I got on and they did not.  I bet they went home and overdosed with laughter on that recording.  

I see a comparison here.

KatieChambers
KatieChambers

it made me laugh because it is so freaking stupid and has no point and he looks like he's on drugs and paranoid or something

onlymadethistocommentonthisvideo
onlymadethistocommentonthisvideo

why did andy warhol make that video? and i also feel as this shows mr. culkins acting skills his expression was just as uncomfortable and sad looking as andy warhols. brava mr. culkin brava

pitcherpark
pitcherpark

The question I have for myself is why I sat and watched BOTH videos by Culkin and Warhol simultaneously taking up almost 9 minutes of my morning.

pitcherpark
pitcherpark

That's how I FEEL when I go to the food court alone or anywhere for that matter and eat by myself.  

theo46
theo46

Mr. Culkin is probably puzzling over the old chicken and egg conundrum.

drmrz93
drmrz93

This post was pretty pointless. How can this be entertainment?

ImAfraidOfAmericans
ImAfraidOfAmericans

Dear Eric Dodds, you are an idiot. Your questions are irrelevant and they are not even funny. Americans should stop adopting bullying as a way of life. Every little thing you do has a bit of bullying in it. M.C. is just fine. I dont think he gives a SHxIT about the mainstream anymore. He is done with that and he is more interested in making a statement as artist now. Its obvious he moved on from Homealone a long time ago... just watch Sonic Youth's music video directed by Harmony Korine from a long time ago. This is really annoying! Its hateful journalism. And its a depressing world having someone like you writing these kind of stupidities. 

BartonKeyes
BartonKeyes

You didn't ask yourself if it was plain cheese pizza? You lose

Marc_Wilder
Marc_Wilder

You did no reporting whatsoever for this 'piece' resulting in two additions to your 'article'. Get your sh*t together TIME, you have access to Google and you didn't know this...? Do you even know who Warhol is, is the question I'm asking myself this point? 


less snark, more reporting. hit the lockers, eric dodds.

RishaNamaste
RishaNamaste

Then Old Whopper container didn't leak…Save me a bite, Andy Boy! No Fries with that! If I could locate the bag and ketchup I'd be rich!

NicoleFlynn
NicoleFlynn

Watch the "Andy Warhol eats a Burger" video-it answers many of the questions listed here!


258018
258018

your "funny 46 questions we immediately thought of when watching this video" makes you seem like idiots because you obviously missed the entire purpose of this whole thing (a parody of andy warhol). its cool to make these funny lists of 20 dogs they wished they were cats and etc but this just make you seem ignorant. this really should never have been published. better luck next time.

aconkey
aconkey

The video is brilliant when you compare it to the Warhol clip - it's a perfect variation of it, right down to the gestures and facial expressions. 

TristanAdoraCyre
TristanAdoraCyre

Brilliant! He looks hot with the long hair and rocker nails. Did no one else make the Andy Warhol correlation? The Andy Warhol clip is provided at the bottom, after all. Are people really that dense?

fawntastic
fawntastic

Maybe it's a representation of what life is like for him... I mean thousands of people watching him and all he is doing is trying to eat pizza. It could explain why he looks so uncomfortable.

DeeRee
DeeRee

He looks so sad. He def didn't age well:/

BlackOut
BlackOut

i have an answer to all of your question, and a question to all of your question!

answer : it is non of your business.

question : don't you have a better thing to do?

FrancisKim
FrancisKim

Can't believe out of the 46 questions, Time didn't have "Was he paid for the video?".

nickcicero
nickcicero

"A lovely cheese pizza, just for me." beautiful work Kevin.

spookiewriter
spookiewriter

@Marc_WilderI know who Warhol was. He honed to a fine craft the ability to be a talentless hack then baffled everyone with enough BS that they turned into arrogant little elitist's that sniffed at anyone who said "WOW! He drew a can of soup! What a vision!" as they laughed and walked away.

It's good to see that a whole new generation of art-idiot zombies are regurgitating VU lyrics and practicing just the right air of "I'm soooo much better than you 'cause I follow a dead guy who turned poor silk-screening into art".