10 Christmas Songs For People Who Hate Christmas Songs

Holiday tunes that will bring cheer to even the biggest Grinches

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Arista Records

All of us know someone who hates Christmas music. Like, really despises it. These Grinches grimace each time they hear a jazzy rendition of Jingle Bells. “It’s fine,” they say, unconvincingly, through gritted teeth.

And while most of these afflicted souls don’t seem to mind other Christmas-y things (like presents, spending time with family, and cookies), holiday tunes—which seem to get played earlier and earlier with each passing year—are just too much for them.

As a salve to those who succumb to such seasonal sentiments, we’ve pulled together a list of tracks that celebrate the holidays in a different way. Some of them may be familiar and some may be entirely new. Either way, they’re a break from the same old tunes that are repurposed by pop stars each year.

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“Father Christmas,” The Kinks

This department store “Father Christmas” clearly had the worst Christmas ever.

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“Got Something for You,” Best Coast and Wavves

You might associate these two laid-back bands with surf and sun (and yes, actual waves), but together, they create the perfect wintry mix.

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“Last Christmas,” Wham

This Christmas, I gave you a list, of Christmas songs that are somewhat better.

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“Fairytale of New York,” The Pogues featuring Kirsty MacColl

This song came into being after Elvis Costello bet The Pogues’ lead singer Shane MacGowan that he couldn’t write a decent Christmas duet. The outcome: a call-and-response between a bickering couple that’s just as sweet as it is salty.

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“Birthday,” The Jesus and Mary Chain

It counts as a Christmas song because the word “Christmas” is in the chorus.

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“Christmas in Hollis,”  Run D.M.C.

This Rick Rubin-produced track name checks the trio’s hometown of Hollis, Queens in New York. Twenty-five years after its release, the song is a holiday standard.

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“It Doesn’t Often Snow on Christmas,” Pet Shop Boys

Despite a danceable vibe, this song is mostly about how we’ve all ruined the spirit of Christmas. Sorry, Bing Crosby.

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“Christmas Was Better in the 80s,” The Futureheads

This rollicking track by post-punk rockers proves a very solid point: Christmas is always better when you’re a kid.

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“Christmas Wrapping,” The Waitresses

Bonus points if you remember the Spice Girls cover.

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“All I want For Christmas Is You,” Mariah Carey

This song is a classic regardless of your feelings about Christmas music.

41 comments
ceoresult2013
ceoresult2013

I know Weird Al is famous for parodies, but both of his Christmas songs (“Christmas at Ground Zero” and “The Night Santa Went Crazy”) are originals. Some parodies are “I saw Daddy Kissing Santa Claus”, “Pirate Christmas” by Tom Smith, and the “Fanboy Christmas” trilogy by the Great Lukeski.

I also want to add “Ultimate Ultimate Christmas” by Tom Smith to the list of good Atheist Christmas songs.

fatalreview
fatalreview

I don't hate Christmas music just absolutely sick of hearing that screeching bee-yotch MeMe sing that she doesn't want any presents when thats all she wants and all your cash to boot-what a greedy skankkk-she milks christmas for every cent she can and it sure ain't for charity-fking ho has 2 huge christmas trees in a room she doesn't even use-WTF??? Christmas just won't be Christmas again until fat old MeMe quits parking her wide load on Santa trying to steal his spotlight and wearing some ridiculous outfit 6 sizes too small, flopping her her old saggy udders out scaring all the kids-GET OFFF!!! Nothing is more commercialized, materialistic and completely anti-spirit of Christmas than MeMe and her greeedy azzz manipulation of Christmas for cash

JudyReelectObamaWood
JudyReelectObamaWood

Your list is just sorry.  You forgot "The Twelve Pains of Christmas" by Bob Rivers,  "Merry Christmas From The Family" by Robert Earl Keen, and "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer" by Elmo and Patsy.  If you had taken the time you could have come up with some great Christmas music.  I only took a few minutes.  The majority of songs on your list are just bad.  "Father Christmas being the exception.     

cormac1958zoso
cormac1958zoso

not sure why "Father Christmas" counts as a song for "haters" ... or for those who hate holiday music ... so are they just looking for non-traditional christmas songs? then why isn't "Run, Run Rudolph" by Chuck Berry and "Happy Xmas (War Is Over)" by John Lennon and Yoko Ono ... both of those songs along with "Father Christmas" are the best rock-and-roll xmas songs around ...

robinlapre
robinlapre

Merry Christmas, I don't want to fight -- the Ramones.

williemojorisin
williemojorisin

What about the Boss, santa clause is coming to town?

DilbertFan
DilbertFan

Many hate Xmas-y things because everything got too commercialized and we all know that all religions are manmade superstitions.  Once Xmas is morphed into a secularized, non-commercialized (yeah right) season of love and givings, there will be few haters!  Spirits like what this 5-year old girl shares will endure - she used sign language to sing for her deaf parents!  http://youtube.com/watch?v=zQeygYqOn8g

MrLightRail
MrLightRail

You ain't getting sh*t for Christmas, by Red Peters. Makes me have a warm feeling every year!

SteveSlater
SteveSlater

I believe in Father Christmas-----Greg Lake

RandyMoran
RandyMoran

The Chieftains with Elvis Costello - "St. Stephen's Day Murders" from the album "The Bells of Dublin

BrianSmith
BrianSmith

Music piracy, alive and well - where is your DMCA takedown for each full music track here from YouTube?  btw each of these songs sucks.

LunaEros
LunaEros

One they missed for kind of an anti-christmas cong is Prince's "Another Lonely Christmas"

DaveDawkins
DaveDawkins

Seriously? That no-talent Mariah Carey made it, but "OI! To The World" by No Doubt didn't? Blasphemy!!

agler
agler

"they’re a break from the same old tunes that are repurposed by pop stars each year." ...uhhh, what? Why is Mariah Carey on that list? That's probably THE most overplayed Christmas song.  I figured Blink-182's Christmas song would get shafted anyways. It couldn't be more perfect for this list and it's actually a really good song (also check out Toad The Wet Sprocket's Christmas song).

DAT33
DAT33

Tom Lehrer: A Christmas Carol

RPTerror
RPTerror

Merry Christmas from the Family by Robert Earl Keen. Any song that begins "Mom got drunk and dad got drunk at our Christmas party" is a classic.

DeweySayenoff
DeweySayenoff

Chipmunks roasting on an open fire is my favorite...

drkl
drkl

Psychostick:
Doom to the World
Holiday Hate
Jolly Old Sadist
Jingle Bell Metal
Red Snow
Happy F***ing New Year

koolkat_1960
koolkat_1960

"Don't Believe in Christmas" by the Sonics

ZoeyKay
ZoeyKay

"The Twelve Pains of Christmas" by the Bob Rivers Comedy Group!

JoeRusso
JoeRusso

Dropkick Murphys "The Season's Upon Us"

JvanDyke
JvanDyke

ravers - it's gonna be a punk rock christmas

eldouglador
eldouglador

Ramones - Merry Christmas, I Don't Wanna Fight Tonight

BenMcVay
BenMcVay

No Vandals on this list = Flames on Optimus

napaventuresllc
napaventuresllc

"Cold White Christmas" by Casiotine for the Painfully Alone rules. Also, "I Was Thinking I Could Clean Up for Christmas" by the brilliant Aimee Mann should be included.  I mean, who gets sober for Christmas? Also, "Jesus Christ" by Big Star, that's a great ramshackle power pop song!  And "Christmas" by Florence Dore (and covered by the Posies).  Just genius.  So many great songs, oh - I have to throw in "St Stephen's Day Murders" by Elvis Costello and "The Rebel Jesus" by Jackson Browne.  Both great.  And "Christmas Time is Here" by the Flirtations or "What Christmas Means to Me" by a very young Stevie Wonder. Rock out!

clevelandstater
clevelandstater

half of these songs are the ones that make me a grinch !!!


simply played to death. 

Neondancer
Neondancer

I'm one of the biggest known Grinches in the world, but even I am helpless against the beauty and wonder that is Neil Tennant and Chris Lowe. I am putty in their skilled and snarky hands. Only Pet Shop Boys could write a christmas song that doesn't make me feel like I'm being skinned alive. That being said, I'd still much rather listen to pretty much any other PSB song.

Neondancer
Neondancer

I'm one of the biggest known grinches on the planet, but you got me, I'm absolutely helpless against the beauty and wonder that are Neil Tennant and Chris Lowe. I am putty in their skilled and snarky hands. Congratulations Time, you've managed to find the only christmas song that doesn't make me feel like I'm being skinned alive!

zach_miller
zach_miller

Wow. You are sincerely, the most horrible human on Earth.

Jealousy has overcome you, my friend.

PatWatson
PatWatson

@DilbertFan No, her spirit will die with her. Everything dies. All is ultimately meaningless.

Isn't that correct, Dilbert?

barcelona.michael06
barcelona.michael06

@DilbertFanI saw this on theblaze.com.... SO GLAD you saw it too!!! ;)
ps. I'm a Christian, and would be profoundly saddened and deeply discouraged if you stripped Christ out of any meaning of Christmas. If love doesn't come from Christ... where does it originate?

jambre
jambre

Joe-

 I was going to list "The Season's Upon Us" myself, but you beat me to it- after listening to it over and over, I can handle the Christmas bash at my parents'! (We even have the cop, the priest, and the picture of JFK-next to the Pope, of course!)

Cheers,

Seamus