You’ve binge-watched all 15 new episodes of Arrested Development. Completely understandable—we did too. And now that you’ve had a week to savor the experience, you’re probably thinking about diving back in.
To enhance your second viewing, we engaged the services of a professional bartender to create a few cocktails inspired by characters from the show. Eric Johannsen of Manhattan’s Mulberry Project was up to the challenge and devised three savory concoctions: the Cornballer, the Juice Box, and the I’ve Made a Huge Mistake. You can watch them being made in the clip below.
And if these cocktails are beyond your abilities (or you don’t have any Angostura bitters handy), we’ve invented some Bluth-inspired beverages of our own. We didn’t have time to test each of these recipes, but we are certain they’ll go great with frozen, chocolate-covered bananas.
The Tobias (a.k.a. the I Blue Myself)
- Blueberries
- Diamonds
- Jean-short garnish
Gather ’round, analrapists! This fruity-yet-flirty cocktail is meant for sipping, not chugging. Careful not to spill on your jean shorts!
The Gob (a.k.a. the Final Countdown)
- Lighter fluid
- Tears of frustration
- Pure grain alcohol (preferably, made in a bathtub)
- The feather of a dead dove (frozen)
- Matches
But remember: drinking and driving (your Segway) don’t mix!
The Lucille (a.k.a. the Winking Matriarch)
- A bottle of vodka
- Straw
What do you mean, you want to add a mixer? We don’t understand the question, and we won’t respond to it. Add a piece of toast on the side, and you’ve got breakfast.
The Lindsay (a.k.a The Great Experiment)
- Cloudmir vodka
- Hot ham schnapps
- Orange juice
- Cranberry juice
Put on your favorite “SLUT” shirt and enjoy this Lindsay Bluth-ified take on a Sex on the Beach. Just a few sips and you’ll be chicken-dancing like you’ve never chicken-danced before. Chaw! Chee-chaw! Chee-chaw!
The Ann (a.k.a.: the Her?)
- Empty glass
- Water
Make sure you let the glass of water sit for exactly 43 minutes so that it’s at room temperature. No ice cubes allowed.
The Michael (a.k.a. the What’s The Most Important Thing?)
- Milk
- Candy beans
If you’re anything like Michael, you’re already drunk with rage caused by your family, so stick with milk. But if you still want to get a little crazy, add your favorite candy beans.
The George Sr. (a.k.a. the No Touching!)
- Ice cream sandwich, blended or mashed
- Vodka
You’ll want to put this Bluth version of a White Russian in a to-go cup; it tastes best when you’re off committing some light treason.
The Oscar (a.k.a. the All You Need Is Smiles)
- Ice cream sandwich, blended or mashed
- Vodka
- Marijuana
The Oscar looks just like the George Sr., but don’t be fooled! There’s a secret ingredient — don’t worry, you’ll notice you’ve been knocking back the wrong drink after about thirty to forty minutes.
The Buster (a.k.a. the Hey Brother)
- Box of wine
- Straw
Just make sure you’re aware that it’s actually wine, and not juice. Also, you might want to find someone who doesn’t have a hook for a hand to help you open it. And don’t forget to add a straw so you can be the perfect motherboy.
The Maeby (a.k.a. the Marry Me!)
- Bourbon
- A glass
For the working woman on the go. You don’t mess around when it comes to your after-school job as a movie executive, and you certainly don’t mess around when it comes to your beverages.
The George Michael (a.k.a. the Mr. Manager)
- Banana juice
- Thermos
Life is stressful when you’re in love with your cousin and working as Mr. Manager in a tiny, banana-shaped booth all day. So sip on a soothing glass of banana juice to dull your adolescent nerves. Optional: Slip in a shot of espresso to get through those long hours on the job. Just make sure to clear it with dad first!