Welcome back to Dancing with the Stars, where someone is getting kicked out of the ballroom tonight. Also, Grammy winning singer Michael Bublé will perform, because, apparently, this show’s demographic spans from will.i.am fans to Icona Pop fans to Michael Bublé fans. In short, everyone loves this show. Just accept it. Resistance is futile, like The Borg. Now that you love the show, you’ll be pleased to know that American Idol alum Kellie Pickler has immunity and can’t be eliminated tonight, but everyone is on the chopping block.
Here’s what happened on Dancing with the Stars:
Most Appropriate Performance: Michael Bublé performed his single “Come Dance With Me,” which may not have been written for Dancing with the Stars, but may as well have been with it’s Louie Prima vibe and shout-outs to cha-chas and rumbas.
Repeat Performance: Despite the fact that Mark Ballas had a neck injury and two compressed vertebrae after Olympian Aly Raisman landed on his head, the judges asked him to repeat his salsa from the night before. Apparently, there’s no crying in baseball and no such thing as sick leave in reality television.
Least Surprising Save: Zendaya Coleman and Val Chmerkoviskiy are safe, as are Aly and Mark.
Most Life-Threatening Jeopardy: Don’t tell Jacoby Jones’ mother, but Jacoby and Karina Smirnoff are in jeopardy. Jacoby’s mom is so going to hurt you, America, if you vote her son off. You’ve been warned!
Most Inspiring Moment: Tonight’s AT&T Spotlight Performance focused on Camden, New Jersey where a teacher is using dance to help make a difference in children’s lives. Tuwanda Jones’ started the Camden Sophisticated Sisters drill team when she was 15 years old and works seven days a week with the young women on her team. Her dancers performed a rousing routine and then hosts Tom Bergeron and Brooke Burke Charvat donated mirrors to their dance facility.
Strangest Cross-Promotion: Host Tom obligingly mentioning that Amanda Knox would be making an appearance on the network later.
Best Peter Brady Impression: In a peek behind the scenes of rehearsal, we see why Jacoby is a wide receiver and not a quarterback. While tossing the old pigskin around, he nailed Kym Johnson in the face with the football. Your mother will not be pleased by that, Jacoby.
Most Tear-Jerking Moment: Meet Adrianne Haslet, a professional ballroom dancer who lost her leg in the Boston Marathon bombing. She is grieving over the loss of her foot and is still recovering, but she is determined to dance again. Dancing with the Stars will follow her recovery and work with her to choreograph a routine she can perform in the ballroom later this season.
Best Use Of Props: During a spotlight dance, guest dancers Alison Holker and Stephen “tWitch” Boss of So You Think You Can Dance fame, incorporated an interactive wandering fiddler, an on-stage drummer and a fire that erupted out of nowhere. They may have danced, but it was the props that stole the show.
Best Wigs: During a troupe performance the women all appeared in remarkable over-sized blonde afro wigs, prompting Tom Bergeron to quip, “Somewhere, there are five naked poodles.”
The Bottom: Comedian Andy Dick joined Ingo Rademacher and Jacoby in the bottom three. While clearly Jacoby is safe, it is ridiculous that Bachelor Sean Lowe is safe and Jacoby is in jeopardy. Luckily, Jacoby is sent back to safety quickly, before his mother can rain whoop-ass down on all of us. That left General Hospital star Ingo in the bottom with Andy.
Fondest Farewell: Andy Dick bid a tearful goodbye, only pausing in his effusive bittersweet praise of the show and the experience, to cast aspersions on Len Goodman for giving him a five yesterday. It’s all your fault Len! You made a grown man cry.