Welcome back to Dancing with the Stars, where sass, Spandex, and sparkle are all encouraged. Last night, in a sadistic match-up concocted by the evil dance mastermind Judge Len Goodman, the nine remaining couples danced side-by-side and head-to-head with professionals who upstaged the stars with far better dance skills than they could ever hope to achieve. Was it meant to inspire? Or humiliate? Only Len knows for sure. Regardless, some stars, like Super Bowl champ Jacoby Jones, Disney teen star Zendaya Coleman and American Idol alum Kellie Pickler all rose to the occasion, while comedian DL Hughley and actor Ingo Rademacher buckled under pressure. Zendaya is probably safe as she scored the season’s first tens. Joining her on the winners’ dais is undoubtedly Andy Dick who earned the honor by soaring in on a zipline dressed like Zorro. Everyone else is potentially on the chopping block.
Here’s what happened on Dancing with the Stars:
Best Opening Number: Fear not, Daft Punk fans, while the new album is still playing hard to get – and the band failed to make a “surprise” appearance at Coachella – we’ll always have Dancing with the Stars doing their best Daft Punk impersonation complete with helmets, electro-dance music, and wild light shows.
Tit For Tat: Country singer Kellie Pickler was announced safe (and still good at faking surprise) while General Hospital star Ingo Rademacher was told he was in jeopardy (and showed skill at pretending to be stunned).
Repeat Performance: Jacoby Jones and Karina Smirnoff were asked for an instant replay of their swinging jive, which co-starred Maks Chermkovskiy and Ana Trebunskaya. Once again, Jacoby managed to remember all his steps, but forgot to wear a shirt. He also proved, once again, that he is superhuman by leaping over Karina in a single bound. Who does that?
Worst Segue: After forcing us all to sit through what may have been an ad for the Run Pee app, starring boxer Victor Ortiz, host Tom Bergeron announced that even after that public humiliation, Victor was in jeopardy.
Must See TV: After a behind-the-scenes clip showed doting older brother Maks Chmerkovskiy helping his little brother Val stretch while dressed “like a gondola driver” and whining, host Tom opined that the Chermkovskiy brothers would make great fodder for a reality show. It’s probably already in development.
Best Country Performance On The Show Tonight: The Band Perry –comprised of siblings Kimberly, Reid and Neil Perry – performed their song “Better Dig Two.”
Smells Like Team Spirit: Next week, the contestants divide up into two teams led by this season’s two highest scorers: Kellie and Zendaya. While we teams haven’t been picked yet, all we know is that Team Paso will dance to Stevie Wonder’s “Higher Ground,” Team Samba will dance to “Superstition” and Derek Hough knows to “plead the fifth” when he doesn’t know what else to say.
Best Team To Root For: While host Brooke Burke-Charvat was chit-chatting about next week’s team challenge, Andy Dick told her that he hoped he and Kellie would be on the same team so they could call it “Team Pickler Dick.” While Brooke chided him, “You can’t say that…” it was easy to tell that, halfway through the sentence, Brooke remembered that “Dick” is actually Andy’s last name.
Best Disney Star Turned Spring Breaker: Selena Gomez offered up an Indian-themed number that would make Bollywood enthusiast Derek Hough proud (minus the sloppy dance moves). What her song “Come and Get It” had to do with wearing a bindi and sari and henna tattoos is unclear. Perhaps it was a diversionary tactic to distract people from noticing her lip-syncing?
Best News All Night: Andy is safe, so the dream of Team Pickler Dick continues to live on. However, when it comes to DWTS and comedians, much like in The Highlander, there can be only one, so with Andy safe, that meant DL Hughley was at the bottom.
Bottom Three: Ingo, Victor, and DL made up this week’s trinity of sadness.
Who Went Home: DL Hughley. After his initial low scores, verbal sparring with the judges, occasionally caustic attitude, and accusations of unfair treatment, his departure was as inevitable as a Chmerkovskiy brothers reality show.
Best Reason to Come Back: Stevie Wonder, the music and the man, will be the stars of the show next week.