Welcome back to Dancing with the Stars—or as host Tom Bergeron dubbed it, Game of Thrones, Ballroom Edition. We are now in our third week of performances and, as you may have noticed, no one has been voted off the show yet. Sure, ice-skating champion Dorothy Hamill had to leave the competition, but that was on doctor’s orders, not abysmal dance scores. That all changed tonight, when one of these E-, F-, and G-List celebrities was sent home to do their best Billy Idol impression and dance with themselves far from the DWTS stage. So who was it? King of Comedy DL Hughley, whose dance was so poor that Judge Len Goodman asked whether he had hip replacements? Or the underwhelming middle-of-the-road General Hospital star Ingo Rademacher, because viewers simply forgot he was on the show five minutes after his performance? The only way to find out is to watch (or read this helpful recap and spare your brain cells for the good stuff, like Call the Midwife or, say, reading TIME Magazine.) Here’s what happened last night on Dancing with the Stars:
The Coronation: To continue with the prom theme–because someone at DWTS thinks high school is best when relived over and over again–last night’s Dancing with the Stars had fans elect a Prom King and Queen. The winners? 16-year old Disney Zendaya, who is too young to have gone to prom yet, and Baltimore Raven Jacoby Jones, who claims to have been kicked out of prom. Not only do the dynamic duo get awesome crowns and sashes, but they are also safe.
Best Guest: Huey Lewis resurrected his career just in time to perform “The Heart of Rock N Roll” for Dancing with the Stars. Sure, he looks like someone’s dad, but he is definitely the cool dad on the sidelines of the Little League match.
The Village People Just Got A Little More Fabulous: For this evening’s déja-dance, Judge Bruno Tonioli chose to relive the magic of Bachelor Sean and Peta Murgatroyd’s cha cha to “YMCA” …with the addition of a shirtless biker played by Bruno himself.
Insert Your Own Blonde Joke Here: In a video clip, American Idol alum Kellie Pickler and Derek Hough struggled to add up their scores. After struggling to figure 8 + 8 + 9, Derek gave up and asked someone off camera for an assist. Can we start a Kickstarter campaign to buy them a math tutor? They can start their homework next week, because they are safe.
Tears of the Clown: Comedian DL Hughley wanted an apology from the judges for their cutting critiques (in a clip, he called Len and Bruno bullies and said they had gone too far), but all he got out of Len was an admission that he was being way too nice this season. Unfortunately DL will have to suffer through another judgment round, because he and Cheryl Burke are safe.
Most Testosterone: The male pros rushed the floor in sleeveless leather jackets and performed an energetic and gritty routine to a remix of a White Stripes song. It almost counteracted “YMCA.” Almost.
Our Love’s In Jeopardy: This week’s bottom three denizens are Real Housewife Lisa Vanderpump and actor/comedian/??? Andy Dick, who were both paired with new recruits to the Dancing with the Stars professional ranks, Gleb Savchenko and and Sharna Burgess, respectively. Joining them is Wynona Judd, who was paired with reigning DWTS champion Tony Dovolani
Macy’s Stars of Dance: Their dance was truly stunning, with some brilliant backwards moves, and fancy special effects that made it look like they were dancing backwards. But their outfits look like they robbed a mime who shopped exclusively at an Esprit store, circa 1982.
Best Disney Crossover Who Is Not Zendaya: Demi Lovato returned to the Dancing with the Stars stadium to perform her new single “Heart Attack”
Final Two: Lisa and Gleb were quickly pronounced safe (for now), while Andy Dick and Wynona were left to think about what they had done for a few more minutes (read: commercial break).
The Result: Wynona is going home. While it’s sad to see her go, and miss whatever wacky dance hijinks Tony had in store for next week, dancing is not Wynona’s forte. Yesterday, she probably managed to set a world record for Slowest Cha Cha. That said, she’s a country legend who dressed up like a thrasher and gyrated (very slowly) on a stripper pole on national television.