Welcome to Vieques, Puerto Rico, a beautiful island that upped its gross imports by allowing The Bachelor to film on its picturesque shores. Last week in Park City, Courtney the model with a mouth on her (in more ways than one) gave us an earful about her plans to decimate Emily the Epidemiologist for badmouthing her to Ben. Now the party has moved to P.R. and the teasers promised that Big Words and small clothing would fly. There are still 11 ladies left, learning to love Ben one weird date at a time.
Let’s see who won our roses this week
Best Product Placement: Chris Harrison welcomed the putative ladies to the beautiful W Hotel and Spas on Vieques. On cue, the women flatly responded, “Beautiful!” as if Wall-E had met a slightly skanky Mormon Tabernacle Choir.
(LIST: The All-TIME 100 TV Shows)
Most Ironic Shirt: Courtney opted to wear a “Be Nice” shirt which the show editors thought paired nicely with a mini-montage of Courtney reminding Emily (via a private interview) that she’s dead to her.
Best “Accidental” Wet T-shirt Contest: Ben invited Nicki the dental hygienist, to “find a new love in old San Juan” and while I’m pretty sure that the producers can’t control the weather, it was pretty convenient how a sudden squall doused the duo and forced them to swap their clothes for “authentic” Puerto Rican duds. Best side effect of the rain storm? Ben’s hair looks like Rafael Nadal’s after the fifth set at Wimbledon.
Awkward Conversation Topic Du Jour: Ben and Nicki “accidentally” stumbled upon a big church wedding during their date. Which in typical Bachelor style, naturally lead Ben and Nicki to discuss their future wedding plans (Ben wants a big wedding!) and their past ones (Nicki wants to be in love and marry again, if you can believe that). In the end, talking about painful subjects on national television paid off for Nicki because Ben gave her the rose and his acceptance.
Most Misleading Date Card: When it came time for the group date, “Ben” sent an invitation to the women promising diamonds. Ha ha ha sorry ladies, he meant baseball diamonds. Ben, when it’s ten against one, don’t go with a bait-and-switch — these women look scrappy. But since the group is in Puerto Rico, they decided to torture the national past time and make the women compete in a baseball game for a romantic group date with Ben. Batter up ladies! Most surprising near MVP? VIP cocktail waitress Blakely. As Courtney says, “Who knew strippers could play baseball?”
Most Disappointing Moment: When Courtney’s red team struck out Jennifer and won the game, we all waited for the magic word. As you may recall, all season Courtney has been channeling Charlie Sheen’s low point, yet the one time it would have actually been appropriate to say it, Courtney does not say “winning.”
Disingenuous Statement Du Jour: As the blue team cried over their loss, Ben tells the camera, “I hope they don’t take it too hard.” While the losers’ dugout was awash in mascara, Ben sprayed champagne all over the winning team as a helicopter landed to take the winners on their private beach date. The losers took what looked like a prison bus back to the hotel for their walk of shame in front of Nicki and Elyse.
Most Awkward Moonlit Walk: For the second one-on-one date, Ben invited personal trainer Elyse on a boat ride. Elyse made sure to note that she gave a lot to be on the show, including leaving her job and skipping her BFF’s wedding. Unfortunately, Ben isn’t feeling the romance with Elyse and opts not to give her a rose. After that proclamation and the ensuing shock and tears, Elyse is forced to walk by Ben’s side along the beach, under moon, to the dinghy of shame.
The Clothing Optional Moment: Courtney needed attention, so she grabbed a bottle of wine, two glasses and waylaid Ben on his way home from his crushing dismissal of Elyse. Who? Elyse the girl he just got rid of. Remember? Despite being “against the rules,” Courtney lured Ben down to the beach for a midnight skinny dip. Just them alone on a beach …with a camera man and maybe a sound guy. Very romantic.Then the next day Ben said he felt “crappy” about his choice. Sounds like Courtney is still “winning.”
A Surprising Dismissal: After once again telling Ben that she doesn’t like Courtney, Emily the epidemiologist set herself up to go home with nothing but an “I got free highlights from a VIP cocktail waitress” t-shirt. But while Ben made her wait for the last rose to find out her fate, ultimately it was Jennifer who was given the boot. Yes, he kicked off the woman he declared to be the best kisser on the show. What else is he judging the women on? Oh right. Baseball skills.
Did Courtney cross a line or seal the deal? Will Ben ever see the real Courtney? Tell us in the comments below.