The Bachelor Watch: Fishing For Love

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ABC / Natalie Cass

In a fit of fortuitous timing, Bachelor Ben Flajnik and his gaggle of girls arrived in Park City, Utah just in time for Sundance. While they may have timed their arrival to miss the actual film festival, they brought enough drama with them to fill several fraught indie dramas.

Who won our Grand Jury Prize this week? Let’s find out:

Most Likely to Have a Meltdown: Kacie B. is just too adorable for Bachelor world. The dimpled administrative assistant has developed “real” feelings for Ben in just three weeks and found herself struggling with the whole “my boyfriend is dating 12 other women thing.” She almost managed to hold it together, but just as she confessed,”I don’t want you to see [Ben] in a helicopter with another girl,” the producers cued Ben and Rachel flying off in a helicopter on their date. Kacie stared in horror. Apparently, this is not only her first time on a reality show, but she’s also never seen a reality show.

Snooze Button Date: Ben invited Rachel, a New York fashion buyer, for a one-on-one based solely on his opinion that she’s pretty. Unfortunately “pretty” is no indication of being able or willing to uphold even the most inane Bachelor-level conversation, especially when you add Ben’s natural lumpishness into the mix. Sample exchange: “It’s something I struggle with.” “What is?” “Oh, communication. I struggle with that.” The date dragged, but Ben gave her the rose anyway. At least she has that pretty thing going for her.

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Best Double Entendre: The only highlight of the excruciatingly dry conversation between Ben and Rachel was when Ben said he wanted Rachel to “open up and dive in a bit deeper,” which sounded more than a little blue. Enough so that Ben’s Bachelorette nemesis, JP Rosenbaum chimed in via Twitter: “Um, did he just say that?”

Already Out of Ideas Award: For the second time in a month, someone on The Bachelor enters on a horse. When Ben arrives on his valiant steed, Lindzi doesn’t even bother pointing out that she did that first lest anyone think she’s not there for the right reasons. Instead she swoons, ” I love a man in a saddle.”

Worst Analogy: For the group date, Ben took the lucky ladies fly fishing, because you can’t judge a woman without seeing her in hip waders at least once. Take note Miss America pageant! Model Courtney couldn’t help but obnoxiously state, “Catching a fish probably isn’t that much harder than catching a man.” This from a woman who is on a reality show to catch a man. That said, Courtney did catch a fish.

Best Exit: During the evening portion of the group date, Samantha corners Ben and asked him why she hadn’t gotten a one-on-one date yet. Ben seized the opportunity to  give her a review: She was “highly emotional” on the group dates. Clearly having emotions other than a solitary tear down the cheek is a big no-no in Bachelor land, so Ben sent Samantha home right then and there. Who’s highly emotional now, Ben?

Most Back-Handed Compliment: During a brief moment alone, Ben told dental hygienist Nicki why he had never taken her on a one-on-one date: “You thrive in a group setting.” Nicki nodded and smiled lest Ben kick her off, too. Then they take a turn towards the dark and Nicki decided that just in case it’s her last time with him, they should kiss. She claimed this connected them on a whole new level. Meaning the tongue level.

Worst Movie To Base a Date On: 127 Hours. And yet Bachelor Ben took sweet Jennifer from Oklahoma to rappel into a crater in only a bikini and a helmet. When Jennifer balked, Ben reminded her that this isn’t so much a date as a test of their relationship. If they can’t overcome their fears of being forced to cut off their own arms with pocketknives, what else do they have? Jennifer sucked it up because she wanted Ben to know that she’s game for anything, so long as he’s beside her.

Most Ridiculous Statement Ever: As the cocktail party gets under way, Ben felt it was safe to say his wife is in that room. Riiiiight.

Most Revealing Moment: Epidemiologist Emily decided she needed to clue Ben in on the fact that Courtney isn’t exactly pretty on the inside. Ben chastised her for noticing that he is dating other women and Emily knew she had screwed up. When Courtney found out about Emily’s conversation with Ben, she declared, “I’m a nice person, don’t f*ck with me,” adding that she wanted to rip [Emily’s] head off and verbally assault her and/or shave off her eyebrows.

Best Learning Opportunity: To teach Emily a lesson Bachelor Ben made her wait until the very last moment to find out whether or not she would get to stay on the show. Luckily there was a rose for Emily (Shout out to William Faulkner!), but not for Monica. She cried in the limo that she wants a baby and a family, and now she knows it’s not going to be with Ben.

Come back next week when The Bachelor goes to Vieques, Puerto Rico, where everyone might get bombed.

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