Let’s get something straight. Santa, while jolly and generous, is not a cutie. He’s a plump, white-haired old man who should never be called “baby,” “honey” or “dear,” at least by anyone other than Mrs. Claus (he’s happily married, people). Also, Santa is a smart man. He’ll hopefully see right through your shameless flirting-to-get-what-you-want scheme, so no, cutie, you won’t be getting a ring, a yacht or an out-of-space convertible in light blue.
Another problem with this song is that it has been covered by everyone since Eartha Kitt’s classic 1953 version. Everyone. Madonna, Kylie Minogue, Taylor Swift, Britney Spears and, yes, even the Pussycat Dolls, among others. Which means that whatever shopping mall you find yourself in this holiday season, this song is sure to find you too. Santa baby, hurry up the chimney and leave.