Dancing with the Stars Week 5 Results: Carson Kressley Has
to Go Go

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Adam Taylor / ABC

It’s been ’80s week on Dancing with the Stars (though it’s always ’80s week in our hearts). Veteran-turned-actor J.R. Martinez hit a high note with his fast-paced sultry samba to Miami Sound Machine, while former frontrunner Ricki Lake and her ill-advised decision to add a Roger Rabbit to her foxtrot found herself scoring lower than both David Arquette and Rob Kardashian. After fans’ votes were added to the judges’ scores, the night’s lowest-scoring couples were Queer Eye guy Carson Kressley and Anna Trebunskaya, soccer star Hope Solo and Maksim Chmerkovskiy and, David Arquette and Kym Johnson.

The verdict: Former Queer Eye star Carson Kressley had to go go after his faulty performance to Wham! He was doomed from the moment he flubbed most of the steps, resulting in judge Bruno calling his dance “loopier than a Looney Tunes.” While the star never failed to demonstrate true enthusiasm and fashion flair, his actual dancing never seemed to improve one bit. We will miss his way with words (“This week Dancing with the Stars, next week Governor of Texas!”).

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Most uncomfortable behind-the-scenes peek: Hyper-competitive soccer star Hope Solo was not happy when she found herself “Living on a Prayer,” and did not respond well to the judges’ constructive criticisms despite their sugar coating of her flaws with a generous score of 24. She was shown in a full-on behind-the-scenes snit threatening to drop out. The same fire that makes her a great soccer player seems a little out of place on a show about dancing, no matter how competitive it may be. Also, we didn’t think athletes were supposed to be quitters.

Best pitch: Host Tom Bergeron tried to convince the evening’s guest singer, Grammy winner Kelly Clarkson, to sign up for a spin around the dance floor on Dancing with the Stars. While she didn’t exactly say no, she certainly didn’t say yes. Nice try, Tom!

Most tear-jerking moment: When spotlighted dancer Charm LaDonna told the story of how dancing saved her life, the camera cut to her mother in the audience, dabbing her eyes. Her heartwarming story even got the Brooke-Bot to tear up a little. Charm’s dance with Mark Ballas and Derek Hough proved that she can move with the pros. Do they give merit badges for general awesomeness? If not, let’s start a grassroots campaign to get her on the show permanently.

Least surprising save: J. R. Martinez and Karina Smirnoff. Their samba was hot, energetic and spot on. A close second was Chaz Bono, who shook what he had like his life depended on it. There was no way that Chaz’s voter pool was letting him go out on that.

Most surprising jeopardy: David Arquette is not a born dancer, but last night was his best performance and the judges awarded him points accordingly. Maybe voters were distracted by the unsettling number of zippers on his outfit?

Best dancing: Pros Tristan McManus and Kym Johnson dancing to Kelly Clarkson’s dulcet tones. Watching truly talented dancers work their stuff makes you realize that you may actually be missing something when you’re watching, say, Rob Kardashian.

Most resilient dancer: Nancy Grace. Nancy is a solid dancer but she lacks any, well, grace, on the dance floor and is hardly light on her feet. While it is understandable that many would want to see the HLN star hoof it on the dance floor, the novelty should have worn off by week five. So the question remains: Who is voting for Nancy Grace? It’s either Casey Anthony doubters or Gawker stalkers.

Are you voting for Nancy Grace? Please someone admit to it! Come back next week to see Kristen Chenoweth sing her pint-sized heart out on Broadway week.

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