Dancing with the Stars Results, Week 2: Elisabetta Canalis is Finito

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Welcome to this week’s Dancing with the Stars recap. On Monday night, the show’s judges left fan favorite Chaz Bono with the lowest score and Ricki Lake with the highest. Let’s see how the voters treated them:

The result: Voters apparently tapped into their patriotic pride and voted American; out of the bottom three contestants—Elisabetta Canalis, Chaz Bono and David Arquette—they said ciao to pseudo-celebrity Elisabetta. Maybe they simply couldn’t muster any sympathy for a woman who is famous merely for being George Clooney’s fame-hungry ex-girlfriend. (Honestly, even on this show of “stars,” her “fame” was always debatable.) Her fate was sealed by the producers, who did her no favors by portraying her as a diva who made partner Val Chmerkovskiy cater to her every whim. Now Elisabetta must find a new path to stardom. Actually, is David Arquette single…

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The Ghost of Dancing with the Stars future: Demi Lovato performing her hit “Skyscraper” on the show. How many years until the Disney tween is dancing on that set, instead of singing on it.

Worst musical number: When DWTS producers invited Irish alternative rock group The Script to sing on national television, they probably didn’t expect the band to pick a song that required bleeping. This is a clean show, kids! Aside from the low-cut, bust-baring costumes and hip-swiveling sexual innuendo, that is.

Least surprising behind-the-scenes reveal A guided tour of the Dancing with the Stars training center uncovered an on-set spray-tanning booth where stars can touch up their just-off-the beach glow. Equally unsurprising was the lack of food in the kitchen (it’s a weight loss show, right Ricki?) and the rooftop putting green for bogey-ing balls at the paparazzi, as demonstrated by David Arquette. Ok, that last one was a bit random.

Most egregious, yet-adorable, competitive statement of the night: Soccer star Hope Solo declaration to to partner Maks Chmerkivoskiy that she wants to be “the best” at everything she does. It’s hard to argue with a woman who won the “Golden Glove” at the World Cup soccer tournament, practices with the U.S. national soccer team in the morning, and learns how to jive in the afternoons.

Least tense moment of the evening:When top scorers Ricki Lake, J.R. Martinez, and Kristin Cavallari were pitted against each other. It’s the same tension-free gimmick they pulled last week. It took about a minute for host Tom Bergeron to announce the obvious conclusion that the contestants were all safe.

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Biggest sacrifice by a star: Rob Kardashian wants voters to know that he is giving up a lot to train for the rigorous competition. He is taking this show so seriously he is even willing to make sacrifices like, “Maybe not going out every night.” Do you feel his pain, America?

Biggest overstatement of the night: During a montage of the stars describing their anxiety over facing scrutiny each week, Ricki Lake gasped, “Whoa, there’s so much at stake here.” No, there’s really not.

Best paid promotion: The Macy’s Stars of Dance and their Busby Berkeley-inspired synchronized routine were worth having to sit through nearly back-to-back Macy’s commercials for the rest of the evening. The silver and red spangled performers reminded viewers that dancing can be a beautiful, visual art form, not just a means by which nerve-ridden celebrities desperately attempt to cling onto scraps of cultural relevance.

See you next week, everyone. Same batdance, same batplace.

Melissa Locker is a contributor to TIME. Find her on Twitter at @woolyknickers. You can also continue the discussion on TIME’s Facebook page and on Twitter at @TIME.

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