Tuned In

Comedy Central to Roast the Notoriously Media-Shy Charlie Sheen

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File this under Things the World Does Not Necessarily Need But Will Get Ratings Anyway: Comedy Central will air a roast of Charlie Sheen on Sept. 19. That is, coincidentally (which is to say, I assume not coincidentally), the night the new Two and a Half Men lineup with Ashton Kutcher returns on CBS. All of which gives Comedy Central’s comedians a little more than two months to discover if there are, in fact, any Charlie Sheen jokes that have not already been told.

That reminds me, by the way, of one more While I Was Out item of business: last week, while I was on vacation, CBS announced its fall premiere schedule, sticking mostly to the traditional late-September dates. The schedule, after the jump:

Wednesday, Sept. 14

8:00-9:00 PM SURVIVOR: SOUTH PACIFIC (23rd edition premiere)

Monday, Sept. 19

8:00-8:30 PM HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER (7th season premiere)

8:30-9:00 PM HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER (S)

9:00-9:30 PM TWO AND A HALF MEN (9th season premiere)

9:30-10:00 PM 2 BROKE GIRLS (series debut)

10:00-11:00 PM HAWAII FIVE-0 (2nd season premiere)

Tuesday, Sept. 20

8:00-9:00 PM NCIS (9th season premiere)

9:00-10:00 PM NCIS: LOS ANGELES (3rd season premiere)

10:00-11:00 PM UNFORGETTABLE (series debut)

Wednesday, Sept. 21

9:00-10:00 PM CRIMINAL MINDS (7th season premiere)

10:00-11:00 PM CSI: CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATION (12th season premiere)

Thursday, Sept. 22

8:00-8:30 PM THE BIG BANG THEORY (5th season premiere)

8:30-9:00 PM THE BIG BANG THEORY (S)

9:00-10:00 PM PERSON OF INTEREST (series debut)

10:00-11:00 PM THE MENTALIST (4th season premiere)

Friday, Sept. 23

8:00-9:00 PM A GIFTED MAN (series debut)

9:00-10:00 PM CSI: NY (8th season premiere)

10:00-11:00 PM BLUE BLOODS (2nd season premiere)

Saturday, Sept. 24

8:00-8:30 PM RULES OF ENGAGEMENT (6th season premiere)

8:30-9:00 PM COMEDYTIME SATURDAY

9:00-10:00 PM CRIMETIME SATURDAY

10:00-11:00 PM 48 HOURS MYSTERY (season premiere)

Sunday, Sept. 25

7:00-8:00 PM 60 MINUTES (44th season premiere)

8:00-9:00 PM THE AMAZING RACE (19th edition premiere)

9:00-10:00 PM THE GOOD WIFE (3rd season premiere)

10:00-11:00 PM CSI: MIAMI (10th season premiere)

Monday, Sept. 26

8:30-9:00 PM 2 BROKE GIRLS (time period premiere)

9:30-10:00 PM MIKE & MOLLY (2nd season premiere)

Thursday, Sept. 29

8:30-9:00 PM HOW TO BE A GENTLEMAN (series debut)

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