If you (or one of your children) can offer any kind of credible proof that the grand old house you just purchased for cheap is haunted, drop the caulk gun and get out. We’ve seen too many families attempt to stick a haunting out: The Amityville Horror, The Shining, Paranormal Activity. Your attempts to shun the dead will prove futile as evil spirits use you for a nice game of possess and kill. Just sell the house and take the loss, okay?
Top 10 Ways To Survive A Horror Movie
With the release of the fourth Scream film comes a fresh cast of hopeful horror survivors. TIME brings you the rules to follow if you want to make it out alive.
When Haunted, Just Move Out of the Damn House
Full List
Surviving in a Horror Flick
- Don’t Ever Investigate Or Say You’ll “Be Right Back”
- Turn Around, Because It’s Always Behind You
- Never Watch A Horror Movie When You’re In One
- Make Sure Your Car is Always in Perfect Working Order
- Don’t Ever Split Up
- When Haunted, Just Move Out of the Damn House
- Wear Comfortable Shoes
- Avoid Proms and All Other High School Parties
- Always Assume Your Attacker Is Still Alive
- Keep Your Pants On
