Houston: Where Nobody Knows Your Name
The messy fallout between David Letterman and NBC made Conan’s debut as the new host of Late Night more awkward for the gangly Irishman; the show’s opening sketch on Sept. 13, 1993, featured Conan attempting to hang himself as a result of all the media hype. And Houston, perhaps more than any other U.S. city, seemed determined to shut out the relatively unknown comedy writer — airing his show at 2:40 a.m., after repeats of Ricki Lake, Access Hollywood and the Jenny Jones Show.
So in 1997, Conan decided to take a field trip to the nation’s fourth largest city to find out who was tuning in during the middle of the night. The first problem he encounters? Finding any people at all. “Things have really gotten kind of quiet,” Conan observes from behind the steering wheel of his rental car. “And it is 11:40 … what I’m hoping is they’re taking a nap so they can get up at 2:40 and watch the show.”
After lying to an elderly M*A*S*H fan that his program is “primarily a medical drama set in Korea in the ’50s,” Conan attempts to exploit Texas’ love of country music by playing his “new” honky-tonk theme song. But Conan’s adventure turns downright scary when an imposing man called Buffalo approaches him in a bus terminal at 3 a.m., yelling, “We don’t show that kind of s___ in Houston,” before asking, “Where’s your crappy buddy?” (referring to sidekick Andy Richter). After persuading the man that “only the first year was crap,” Conan turns to the camera and says meekly, “I was just almost murdered.”
Next: Apple Picking with Mr. T
Apple Picking with Mr. T
Nothing says autumn like Mr. T.
When the leaves turned and the weather got brisk, Conan and his favorite early-’80s action star drove to upstate New York for some good ol’-fashioned apple picking. Well, Conan did most of the picking. Mr. T just yelled at them. Then he killed a bee by giving it the people’s elbow (“T: one; bee: zero”).
Also, who knew Mr. T had such nice table manners? His mother taught him to cover his mouth when he chews.
Watch out for that tree branch.
