Spider-Ham
Real name: Peter Porker
Powers: All of Spider-Man’s gifts, plus a snout
First appeared: 1983 in Marvel TailsNo. 1
Bio: Before The Simpsons introduced the world to “Spider-Pig,” there was Spider-Ham — an adorably plump anthropomorphic swine who lived on Larval Earth, along with such pun-inspired characters as the Fantastic Fur, Captain Americat, Iron Mouse and the Punfisher. Like most freakishly gifted superheroes, Spider-Ham was the product of a radioactive experiment gone horribly, hilariously awry in the basement of a mad scientist. Only this scientist, May Porker, wasn’t trying to take over the world. She was attempting to revolutionize America’s hair-care industry by inventing a blow-dryer powered by atomic energy. Sure, it’s a parody. But the ham stuck around until 1987.
Next: The Great Lakes Avengers
The Great Lakes Avengers
Other names: The Great Lakes Champions, the Great Lakes Initiative
Home base: Milwaukee
Powers: High-pitched voice, voluntary obesity, squirrels
First appeared: 1989 in West Coast Avengersissue No. 46
Bio: When Milwaukee-based Mr. Immortal — a man who couldn’t be killed — realized that his self-healing properties didn’t help him fight crime, he placed a classified ad in the newspaper seeking superheroes with powers that complemented his own. Surprisingly, people responded. His team included:
Flatman: A man of “highly malleable” proportions who could make himself look two-dimensional.
Big Bertha: A Milwaukee supermodel (do those exist?) who could become enormously obese on command.
Dinah Soar: A woman with a voice so high-pitched that only Mr. Immortal could understand her.
Doorman: A man who created inter-dimensional portals through inanimate objects.
Squirrel Girl: A young woman who had the ability to control squirrels. She also dressed like one.
A sixth member, Leather Boy, was kicked out of the group after the team discovered that he was simply a leather fetishist who had misunderstood Mr. Immortal’s personal ad. (Seriously.)
The Midwestern crime-fighting powerhouse accomplished several heroic feats and saved America’s heartland from annihilation on more than one occasion. The group stopped a robbery at the Milwaukee Farmers & Merchants Building, rescued St. Louis from an extraterrestrial attack and halted tornadoes that tormented Ohio. Once they even saved Christmas for a suburb of Muskego, Wisc.
Next: Puppet Master
