Sometimes, even mildly famous 40-something rock stars from defunct ’80s hair-metal bands have trouble finding love. In 2007, Poison front man Bret Michaels decided it was time to settle down, so he searched for a woman the only way he knew how: by hosting a reality show in which 25 nipped, tucked, bleached, streaked and tanned women would compete for his affection. Michaels waded his way through stale cigarette smoke, spilled booze and miscellaneous bodily fluids (in one episode, one of his love interests projectile vomited at the dinner table) in search of the one woman who would steal his heart — or at the very least, give him a lap dance. Unfortunately, true love didn’t blossom, and at the end of the first season, Michaels’ pick for a partner told him she’d rather just be friends. The forlorn rocker tried again in Season 2, only to find out that one contestant, Daisy — who would later get her own spin-off skankfest, Daisy of Love — had a live-in ex-boyfriend back home. Season 3 upped the ante by having the women compete on a cross-country bus trip called Rock of Love Bus, at the end of which Michaels selected Penthouse‘s 2009 Pet of the Year as the woman he wanted to spend his life with. If those crazy kids can’t work it out, what hope do the rest of us have?