“It makes Jessica and Nick look like Mensa candidates,” Variety said of Britney and Kevin: Chaotic, which chronicled the pop star’s courtship and wedding to a previously unknown backup dancer named Kevin Federline. The UPN series premiered in May 2005 — just as tabloids began dissecting Federline’s rapidly expanding brood (he left a pregnant fiancée to wed Spears, who got knocked up shortly before Chaotic aired). The ill-fated pair shot the footage themselves in 2004 — “It’s a documentation of love,” K-Fed mused — featuring Blair Witch–style nostril-and-night-vision cinematography. The dialogue wasn’t much better: “I had sex three times today!” (Britney) and “They look like boobs, but they’re not. They’re my knees” (also Britney). Mercifully, the “series” was only five episodes long.
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