It says something about the three Resident Evil films (this being the second) that the most frightening property in video games could not produce a single even halfway scary film.
Why pick on Resident Evil: Apocalypse and not one of the other two films? Because, like any sequel, it’s an enabler. Like the friend who says, “Sure, I’ll have a few brews with my alcoholic pal. Why not?,” sequels to bad movies just enable further sequels to be considered. With poorly choreographed fight scenes and unapologetically non-frightening zombies, RE: A is B-A-D.
Int. Studio Conference Room. Day.
Exec #1: Two words. Video Games. This stuff is great, guys. We don’t have to option some book or something, all we have to do is pay some video game company and we can do WHATEVER we want. This is the way to go.
Exec #2: But what about that Mario Brothers movie? Wasn’t that a pile of crap?
Exec #1: It was the first one. The trailblazers always die of dysentery.
Exec #3: So whatta ya got for us then?
Exec #1: Double Dragon. It’s a game where two twin brothers kick ass. I mean, there’s more to it, but that’s the basic plot.
Exec #2: Are they Asian? Because, you know, Double Dragon makes it sound Asian, and we can’t cast two Asian leads. That’s just not going to happen.
Exec #1: Well, their names are Lee. So…
Exec #3: Listen, all we have to do is find one vaguely Asian guy as the second one, and then cast a real lead, and we’ll pass them off as half-brothers or something.
Exec #2: Can we get the bad guy from Terminator 2? I really liked him… Exeunt
As we prepare for the Game of Thrones finale, we recognize Joffrey and nine other baddies who showed us that terrible, horrible things can come in small packages
