Tuned In

The Morning After: Now I've Seen Everything

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Yamaguchi: skating without the blades and the triple lutz. / ABC

“Now I’ve seen everything.” You say that, every now and again, right, but of course it’s a joke, since if you fiddle with the random premutations enough there are always things you haven’t seen. An elephant in a cocktail dress playing Scrabble, for instance. You haven’t seen that.

Or, for another instance, I might say, “Now I’ve seen everything.” And you’d say, “Well, no. You’ve never seen Kristi Yamaguchi dancing the pasodoble to a cover of Blue Monday.”

And now I can respond, “Well, as a matter of fact, yes. Yes, I have.”

There being no new episode of How I Met Your Mother last night, I ended up watching Dancing with the Stars. Every time I watch, I think it cannot amaze me further how bizarre and surreal this show is, and every time, it does in fact amaze me further. Lord God, this show.

Anyhoo. By whose standard of fairness is Yamaguchi an acceptable competitor on DWTS? Woman was an Olympic gold-medalist figure skater, for God’s sake. What is figure skating? It’s dancing, except you have to do more demanding jumps, and you have to perform it with metal blades strapped to your feet. Unless there’s a component where she has to race against Marlee Matlin to translate phrases into American Sign Language, this is a travesty.

Are you with me? HIMYMers, did you join me in gawking at DWTS last night? Or did you watch the basketballers compete at the basketballing contest?