Little Devil Sitting on My Shoulder: He’s watching American Idol.
Little Angel Sitting on My Other Shoulder: How can you even say that? He’s watching the Democratic debate on MSNBC.
Devil: [Snorts derisively.]
Angel: Don’t mock me! American Idol is just two hours of bloated audition footage milking cheap laughs out of bad singers, 95% of whom are probably singing badly on purpose! These next few weeks could decide this country’s future! That earnest little guy from Ohio will be there!
Devil: American Idol’s the only election in this country that really matters. It’s about dreams and cruel, honest judgment, unlike that phony stage-managed tea party you’ll be watching. And the only bigoted code words will be when Simon and Ryan make gay jokes about each other.
Tiny Peaceable Gnome on My Shirt Collar: Everyone, calm down! You know James has a dual-tuner TiVo. He can watch both your shows!
Angel and Devil: Mind your own business, wussy! Let us have our fight! These are the end times! This battle for the heart and mind of this TV critic must be won decisively!
[They set upon Peaceable Gnome, bludgeoning him with their pitchfork and harp until he lies crumpled and lifeless.]
Devil: You know, Ange, it’s times like these when our mutual enemies remind us just how much we have in common.
Angel [trembling and crossing shoulder]: I… I love you.
[They embrace and grope each other passionately. Fade to black.]