Tuned In

I Don't Wanna Hurt Anymore: The Great American Idol Song-Retirement List

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This year American Idol is holding its first songwriting contest, to choose new songs for the finalists. But what American Idol really needs is a competition among the old songs. Some of them need to be voted off. Last night, Mrs. Tuned In and I brainstormed the beginnings of an American Idol Retirement List–overused, battered warhorses that never, ever again need to be performed in front of that aurora borealis video screen on Fox:

I Can’t Make You Love Me
I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing
Ribbon in the Sky (for that matter, no offense, anything by Stevie Wonder, unless someone wants to try Pastime Paradise or Black Man)
Black Velvet
I Have Nothing (unless performed by a dude)
Come to My Window
Rock With You
The entire oeuvres of Celine Dion, Edwin McCain and (no offense again) Aretha Franklin

We’ve only scratched the surface here, right? The phones are open!